why I quit my 9 to 5

A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for. – Grace Murray Hopper

I put in my notice to resign from work three weeks ago; it was one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done.

But the fear is starting to creep in.

Surprisingly, many of the people I’ve told were all like, “YES! Finally.” And that made me happy. I’ve been with this company for almost four years. I’m the girl who never leaves, lol. But as the year grows to a close, the few people questioning my decision fill me with doubt.

What if leaving my job is a big mistake? Am I smart enough to find something else? What if I run out of money? What then?

I’ve read countless blog posts about people taking giant leaps of faith but it was this post that resonated enough within me to finally make a change. Soon after, I drafted my letter of resignation and handed it to my boss.

Lets back track to why I decided to leave.

I’m a firm believer in listening to your intuition. You always know internally when something doesn’t feel right. For a few years, I wrestled with thoughts of quitting. But with the economy and lack of an exit strategy, I figured I couldn’t complain about having an income when so many people did not have any.

I was unbearably miserable.

There were days that I would skip lunch, shut my door, cry, then sleep it off. Every morning was an intense struggle to motivate myself out of bed. A one-way commute lasting 1.5 hours actually made me nauseous. I lost weight this year from the stress of it all. I’m not saying these things for pity or shock value. These are the things I willingly endured because I believed it was better to have some income than no income. I still believe that. Not having money is SO depressing. But, I was depressed with it so…

I got around to telling my parents and as nerve-wrecking as that thought was, the conversation went smoothly. My parents are the type of people that believe you should do what you want to do. Yet, my fear of disappointing them has kept me from trying a lot of things. I didn’t want to see judgment in their eyes.

I’m excited about 2014. I just want to write and see what doors will open for me and what doors I will break down.

I’m hoping that knowing a biweekly paycheck will no longer hit my checking account will push me to work harder.

No one can want this more than I want it myself.

You know what’s funny? When I handed my boss my letter of resignation, she said, “You’re too creative for this job.” She then asked me if I would be writing. I looked at her like she had three heads. HOW DID SHE KNOW? But I guess when people see something in you, they always know. So I keep replaying that conversation in my head when I think about how crazy it is for me to leave a stable check.

You’re too creative for this job.

A friend told me that fear is healthy. We have to walk in the direction of our fear in order for real progress to take place. Fear is necessary. Fear is uncomfortable. Fear is good.

All I know is that I’m nervous, but I’m sure. I’m ready to jump.