Are you secure?

I realized the other day how strong women really are.

Imagine it: we give birth, we raise kids, we cook, we clean, we work, we stay when the love has left, we love, we nurture, we withstand abuse, we feel…period. Yet and still, [some] men have the AUDACITY to continue to mistreat us.

I may offend some men [and women]. Please, if you don’t fall into this category, don’t be offended. But dont ignore what your brothers are doing. If you are a woman and don’t feel affected by this post, that’s fine. Not all women are strong. At least they don’t know it yet.

AGAIN, IF THIS IS NOT YOU, IGNORE.

I’ve been reading a lot of angry tweets from men lately and they’ve become a bit disheartening. The cause of their anger: women who are whores/sluts/bitches/hoes, etc. They [women] dont value themselves because they love men that don’t love them and that cheat on them. My thing is, how is it that you can sleep with the very women that you dawg out? You say she’s a bitch, she’s a hoe, yet you inseminate her. You impregnante her (condoms much?). You pass your filthy STDs to her (careless much?). You have your way with her. Why? My brothers, why don’t you just leave her alone? If she causes so much trouble and is no good, how about follow your own advice and stop messing with her JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN? Find quality women and call it a day. No need for the name calling back and forth. It becomes so disheartening to see how much we hate each other and how we display this hate.

I really had to think about what could possibly be the reasoning behind such hate. I came up with one word: INSECURITY.

Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue… and that, for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness.
Naomi Campbell

Let’s be clear: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SEX. This may sound like the unChristian-like thing to say but I do not preach abstinence. I encourage SAFETY. A woman who enjoys sex is not a hoe. Sex coupled with true intimacy is a beautiful thing, especially when shared with someone you love. Do women AND men go out on sexacapes and act careless? Yes. But enjoying sex and loving your sexuality should not label you a whore.

Now back to these insecure men…excuse me…boys.

I’ve met a lot of dudes in my life and I’ve noticed that when they are uncomfortable, unsure and insecure about something, they lie, cheat, laugh, or boost their own egos. Anything to make them feel better. It’s such a sad trait that I sincerely hope goes away with age and a good dose of humility.

What purpose does it serve for you to bash a woman because she loves sex just as much as you? Tell the whole story. Something went wrong. Why else would you be calling her names? If it was all good, you’d still be with her having a good time.

To the good men out there who unfortunately got burned by an equally insecure woman who chose to use her sex as an escape from reality, I’m sorry. But that does not give you the right to be hypocritical about what you’re both choosing to do. NEITHER PARTIES.

One of my goals in life is to be able to change how young girls view themselves so that they will not have to be the victim of some mans vulgar depiction of women. I want young girls to understand who they are so that they won’t have to fall for anyone who doesn’t give a damn about them or their worth. I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to yearn for love in wrong peole and I DO NOT want another young girl to grow up looking in the wrong direction.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are not what they say you are. Clearly, they’re the ones talking about it. Don’t sweat it.
;)

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  • http://www.twitter.com/tatiana_noel Tatiana Noel

    I heard or read those comments and I think the exact same thing you do. “She wasn’t a ho when you were dickin her down.” Obviously something went wrong and you mad. So what happens? You resort back to playground-mentality and call her names because somewhere along the way, nobody taught you to talk about your issues. If you can’t talk about it to her, don’t go out in public lookin an ass to talk about her everywhere else. Men just end up looking like hurt puppies to me when they do that stuff.

  • Doune

    Good stuff! I love the goal that you have! That’s where it starts. Changing the way young girls feel about themselves!!

  • teonykkia starr

    Lucy I love you and this post. People are so quick to judge either because they are jealous or just haven’t had their own mess exsposed. I hate when men bash women for doing the same things they do. What I decided to do was not even be friends with men like that. If my guy friends constantly treat women in horrible ways or are always clowning some woman we are no longer friends. No one is perfect and if men ever had to go through the continued hurt we do from them they would understand our feelings more and just stop with the games and secrets. True love is the only answer. Genuine people unite!

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  • Carver The Great

    Lu, you stated that men should stop sleeping with insecure women simply because they “can”…well that’s a big part of the problem, it’s that we CAN sleep with her, and her, and her, and her….it’s human nature to explore the options that are most “available”

    i view “hoes” like fast food. i know it’s bad for me, but since it’s SO readily available, it’s almost impossible not to indulge at some point in life…even if it’s just some fries from the dollar menu, that can’t hurt, right?

    in America, it’s harder to eat healthy than it is to eat unhealthy. analogously, in Atlanta specifically, relationships are the same way…

    this is by no means an excuse for our indiscretion, just a glimpse at the possible reasoning behind it. men should stop engaging in unhealthy relationships, and women should stop making them so available.

    you’re opening paragraph stated that women stay around even when love is gone, and although it is admirable trait, it can also be the crux of a bad situation. so in the same manner that men need not stick around with a woman he deems a “hoe”, a woman need not stick around if she’s feeling unfulfilled by the interaction/relationship.

    i guess the moral of story is that we all need to value ourselves more (men AND women) in order to improve our character.

    sometimes you gotta be mean to others in order to be nice to yourself

    you probably already knew this, and i completely concur with your entire post….i just had to get on my soapbox for a second.

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    First I should say thanks for commenting, Kris. I literally just had a jaw-dropping moment and then smiling moment just because you commented.

    I know it’s human natura and I know both men and women do things but at what point do we take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming it on our desires?

    But I totally agree with you. Both parties are to blame. Women, including myself, are not making the men work for what we are worth. And SOME men are not trying.

    I don’t wanna be mean. I don’t wanna!!!! LOL!

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