As the clock struck twelve one month ago, I got on my knees and recited a prayer of gratitude to my God. At first, I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I owed Him a deep and reflective conversation. Over and over again, I emphatically whispered thank you until I felt like He heard me. I slowly opened my eyes and realized, I really just turned 30 years old. I was alive. As tears formed in the corner of my eyes, I got into bed and drifted to sleep.
I’m not one to make a big to do of my birthday. But this year, I felt like celebrating. After all, you only turn 30 once. A few of my friends and I dined at Double Zero Napoletana and afterwards, I danced the night away at Loca Luna. See pictures here.
You wanna know something weird? I kinda wrote a speech to myself (in my head) for this birthday. What I mean by that is I gave myself several pep talks about the change I wanted to see in my 30s.
I won’t lie, since I quit my job in 2013, I’ve been battling with insecurity. Having a “stable” job, one that you can depend on, is a blessing. And when you voluntarily give that up in search of something unknown, it’s downright terrifying! Everything in your life comes into question.
Feeling unworthy, incapable, unlovable, unprepared, unsure. I felt like a foreigner in my own body. To not have control, to not have an answer – it was all too much some days.
But guess what? Things started changing once I got my faith back.
So many things have happened these last few months.
I got an internship to hold me over while I searched for new opportunities. And then, one only God could orchestrate, a contract working at Coca-Cola. In my Drake voice, blessings on blessings on blessings. Now that that is over, on to another unknown journey.
What I’m learning from God right now is to give Him control. Clearly, He knows how to drive better than me. I’m just a terrified passenger stepping on imaginary brakes and trying to grab the wheel at the same time. He’s teaching me how to have patience and how to enjoy the scenic route.
I don’t have all of the answers to life and I don’t think I ever want them. I just want to continue to be utilized in a way that allows me to share the story. Because it’s not over. I THANK GOD IT’S NOT OVER. I have another chance to make it right, to try again, to question, to improve and to understand. That’s my prayer and challenge for you, too. I hope you find the strength to tell your story to whomever will listen; because we all have one and know someone who can benefit from it.
Got a story you want to share? Leave it in the comments below. I love to read them. And believe me, they inspire me just as much as you may think I inspire you.