It’s that time of year again that everyone loves to hate. I don’t mind Valentine’s Day. The candy is always good and there’s always enough for everyone. What I don’t like about Valentine’s Day is the pressure that society attaches to it.
Ok so, you know all those crazy things people say about how you’ll feel when you fall in love? How it’ll feel like your vagina lays at the balls of your feet every time you see him? Or how she’ll make you smile like when Kevin Hart saw Beyonce?
Well, at least to me.
I was a peculiar child.
I didn’t smile at much, nor laugh at much. I was content with going to the library with my empty grocery bag and loading up on new books for my library at home. All I did was read and write in my journal everyday. It wasn’t until I reached middle school that boys even crossed my mind.
I had my first boyfriend when I was 12. He was awesome. We kissed every chance we got at school. It was the best infatuation ever. But he had a bad temper. Everyone labeled him as a bad boy so he had to go away.
My next boyfriend was when I was 18. Best boyfriend ever. Very sweet and very attentive. He was my best friend. But he got in trouble with the law. Everyone labeled him as a bad boy so he had to go away.
After that, I didn’t want any more boyfriends. I wanted to party and really express myself in college. But, I ended up with one anyway at the age of 20. I would say I was infatuated with him on and off for about six years before things became official. It lasted all of three months. He lied a lot. He had to go away too because he was a bad boy. [Read more…]
Sounds simple, right? But why do we make it so hard? Why do we get so scared? I came across this tweet the other day and totally agreed the young lady.
“At what point did things become so complex between men and women that asking simple questions warrant intense fretting and self-doubt?”
Like, really. We create these scenarios in our heads instead of just communicating with one another. Are we afraid that the answers we’ll receive won’t be the ones we want to hear? Are we afraid of rejection? Are we afraid of the truth?
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an undercover over-lover. I just feel everything and I want that same feeling returned. It’s terrifying and exciting at the same time. But it’s the uncertainty that I don’t like. It makes being vulnerable difficult. It makes expressing what I want and how I want it an arduous task.
But what do I know. I’m just an emotional girl, eating a burrito and ice cream and drinking my very last glass of wine. Pray for my insides.
First of all, let’s talk about Terrence J’s face in this picture. LOL. Okay, let’s not. But Terrance J in the movie? I’d holla. Not for his mama’s boy character in the film but for his bod-ay! I see you boo!
I took a year off from dating
(things girls say when no one is seriously trying to holler) and I think I’m sure about what kind of guy I would like to date.
1. The masseuse – I have a mild case of scoliosis and I have constant back pain. That is not a line, it is truth. It would be nice if the Mr. knew how to rub it out every once in a while. Save me on a chiropractic visit.
2. The crooner – God knew best when He didn’t give me a voice like Beyonce. So I’ll settle for a man with a little bit of vibrato. Karaoke duets. What?!
3. The mechanic – You may think it’s funny but I’ll be laughing at you when those guys charge you a ridiculous price for new brakes.
4. The plumber – I mean, for various reasons, and not just toilets!!!
5. The graphic designer – I will REJOICE the day I date a graphic designer so that I too can finally say, “oh, my boyfriend designed my blog”. Take THAT you fashion bloggers! LOL.
If you could strategically pick out a guy to date, what would he be like? What would his occupation be? Does it even matter to you?
P.S. My list may or may not be serious. You decide.
Her: Ohhhhhh. Think your life is pretty amazing
me: i dunno about that. i haven’t had a date in MONTHS! i haven’t kissed a man or had sex since MARCH. oh my god….typing that just made it real
Her: But you’re totally enjoying your twenties
me: i’m enjoying LIFE. we only get one. i can’t let it pass me by or live with regret. still so much i want to do. my biggest limitation is money but….. Her: I want that too
Her: Haa LUCY YOU ARE CRAZY
me: only in my mind. YOU’RE THE REAL PSYCHO! i go over scenarios in my mind and WISH i would’ve went ham. bet i would be boo’d up right now. “dudes” like crazy.
Her: Touché… I’m working on it. Men love crazies
me: they really do. and women who rile them up emotionally. wale said it best:
“but a woman worth some anger is certainly worth some effort”
So my question is: WHAT IS IT that attracts men to crazy women? WHY DO YOU STAY AND/OR GO BACK? I need answers.
And if you dare, DON’T DARE, send me straight to voicemail, babe I’M JUST GONNA TEXT YOU. -J. Hudd
This post is brought to you by a gchat conversation between my friend and I. Edited to protect us from the judgment of all readers. Also brought to you by J. Hudd’s latest song No One Gonna Love You. Crazy ass.
And yes, I said possibly.
I’ve been boyfriend-less (not to be confused with lover-less or relation-less) for….*dramatic drum roll and dainty taps on the cymbals*…….five years. I know I know, what is an amazingly drop dead gorgeous diva like myself doing single? Chile…I ask myself that same question all of the time. LOL. I’m kidding. Really I am.
Seven months of celibacy
(CAN I GET AN AMEN???????) will make you think about crazy things like boyfriends, cotton candy, panda bears and other things that don’t matter. Sometimes, I do possibly wish I had a boyfriend. Yup. I’ll tell you why.
Since I gave away my virginity at 20 years old, I’ve been battling with the idea of sex and regret. I used to think I would wait until marriage. Not seriously though. It was just the thing to say. But growing up, I had this weird feminist mind set so it kinda didn’t matter because I didn’t take guys seriously enough to even consider sex. But after I gave it away, I felt pretty empty. Like well, that’s it…do I go grab a bowl of cereal? Was there supposed to be fireworks? Fanfare? If there was, it didn’t happen for me. And it really hasn’t happened six years later.
I’ve come to the realization that when it comes to sex, I am weak. Not weak as in I’m always after it. Weak as in I won’t stop it from happening. I can count on one hand the times I’ve asked to have sex. I never wanted to have the blame put on me, if any accusations were to be made. No one could say, well, she wanted it. Mmm, not really, I just went along with it. Which to me, is worse.
At 26 years old, I had to stop and ask myself some serious questions regarding my sexual behavior. Patterns that seemed to happen the same exact way with different men. Surely, after the third time, one would have to stop and think, “it’s ME, not them”. And it was me. I now believe that God placed roadblocks in my sexual life that I literally jumped over to ignore, until they smacked me in the face via doctor’s visits, dreams and blatant disrespect. And I couldn’t (and still can’t) blame anyone but myself.
One year ago, I wrote a letter to my 15 year old self expressing all that I would experience in ten years. A good chunk of it was mainly about sex. My, how times changed. That’s when I realized that I really needed to do something about this problem. So many times I’ve tried to give it up and failed. I did realize though, you can’t give up sex if your partner is not willing as well. You will battle on your own and you will lose.
Many times I’ve attempted celibacy and failed. After listening to the dating series by Pastor Andy Stanley called The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating, I decided to give it another try and focus more on what I will gain and not on what I was missing out on. It has been an interesting journey these past few months. It’s funny how much clearer you can see deception when lust is not clouding your judgment. And not to say that this is an easy road but it sure is a whole lot cheaper (physically and emotionally less taxing).
The decision to be celibate (again) is the reason I feel more confident in speaking to young women about the decisions that women make involving sexual activity. It is the reason I feel compelled to educate young women and girls about sexual health and protecting themselves. And thanks to the new Affordable Care Act, all women will be able to get the proper preventative care services. No longer can we blame anyone else for the decisions we consciously make regarding our sexual activity.
Is celibacy for everyone? It sure as hell isn’t for me but it’s the discipline I need in my life right now. If you’ve chosen to have sex, take control of your body. I’m so tired of hearing the HIV rates in Black women increase. We’ve got to protect our bodies (and our hearts).
I was discussing my recent dating experience with my best friend which lead to a pretty good conversation. After patiently listening to me, he commented that I love attention and that I’m emotional. Hey thanks, Sherlock! What woman isn’t? He explained how my conclusion to the situation was purely emotional, although I had a point. Then he made this statement:
“Women are full of shit and men are bull shitters.”
I’m not even sure how we got this far at 2am but it was a good one. Side note: I’m about to contradict the hell out of myself in this post so don’t judge me. That statement lead to him explaining a lot about men and women that I can’t remember (brain stops functioning and tuning people out after a certain hour). But what I could recall lead me to ask these questions:
- Is there a difference in dating exclusively and being in a committed relationship?
- Is it ok for someone in an exclusive relationship to hang out with someone else after midnight? And does their gender matter?