“And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?” – Unknown
I was hesitant to write a post about relationships (again) because it’s not my favorite thing to discuss, especially not on this space. I pride myself on being transparent so I knew that if I did discuss it, I’d have to tell my truth, despite what someone else might say or how they might feel.
And the truth is, I thought I lost. I was embarrassed by this perceived loss. I didn’t think it had to end but..
It’s that time of year again that everyone loves to hate. I don’t mind Valentine’s Day. The candy is always good and there’s always enough for everyone. What I don’t like about Valentine’s Day is the pressure that society attaches to it.
Ok so, you know all those crazy things people say about how you’ll feel when you fall in love? How it’ll feel like your vagina lays at the balls of your feet every time you see him? Or how she’ll make you smile like when Kevin Hart saw Beyonce?
Well, at least to me.
She couldn’t remember the last time she sat this close to a man and felt anything. This was nice. This felt different, comforting and familiar. Men rarely impressed her but his silent confidence piqued her interest. This was good, yeah.
This chat is brought to you by myself and a spirited Cancer friend…and the letter E, for emo. warning: mature language below.
First of all, let’s talk about Terrence J’s face in this picture. LOL. Okay, let’s not. But Terrance J in the movie? I’d holla. Not for his mama’s boy character in the film but for his bod-ay! I see you boo!
I took a year off from dating
(things girls say when no one is seriously trying to holler) and I think I’m sure about what kind of guy I would like to date.
1. The masseuse – I have a mild case of scoliosis and I have constant back pain. That is not a line, it is truth. It would be nice if the Mr. knew how to rub it out every once in a while. Save me on a chiropractic visit.
2. The crooner – God knew best when He didn’t give me a voice like Beyonce. So I’ll settle for a man with a little bit of vibrato. Karaoke duets. What?!
3. The mechanic – You may think it’s funny but I’ll be laughing at you when those guys charge you a ridiculous price for new brakes.
4. The plumber – I mean, for various reasons, and not just toilets!!!
5. The graphic designer – I will REJOICE the day I date a graphic designer so that I too can finally say, “oh, my boyfriend designed my blog”. Take THAT you fashion bloggers! LOL.
If you could strategically pick out a guy to date, what would he be like? What would his occupation be? Does it even matter to you?
P.S. My list may or may not be serious. You decide.
One thing I know is that no matter how good of a decision it was for me to leave, I still feel like shit. And no one will understand why. No one will understand that even still, every time I see his pictures (or hers), I feel like I want to throw up and then sleep forever. There’s no rationalizing my feelings. I just have to feel my way through the pain.
And yes, I said possibly.
I’ve been boyfriend-less (not to be confused with lover-less or relation-less) for….*dramatic drum roll and dainty taps on the cymbals*…….five years. I know I know, what is an amazingly drop dead gorgeous diva like myself doing single? Chile…I ask myself that same question all of the time. LOL. I’m kidding. Really I am.
Seven months of celibacy
(CAN I GET AN AMEN???????) will make you think about crazy things like boyfriends, cotton candy, panda bears and other things that don’t matter. Sometimes, I do possibly wish I had a boyfriend. Yup. I’ll tell you why.
Since I gave away my virginity at 20 years old, I’ve been battling with the idea of sex and regret. I used to think I would wait until marriage. Not seriously though. It was just the thing to say. But growing up, I had this weird feminist mind set so it kinda didn’t matter because I didn’t take guys seriously enough to even consider sex. But after I gave it away, I felt pretty empty. Like well, that’s it…do I go grab a bowl of cereal? Was there supposed to be fireworks? Fanfare? If there was, it didn’t happen for me. And it really hasn’t happened six years later.