When people think of Samantha from Sex and the City, their first thought would be sex. And when I say I can relate to her the most. I usually get awkward stares because most people are familiar with her character’s…habits. Okay yes, she thoroughly enjoys sex and unapologetically admits that. There’s nothing wrong with that. Where I relate to her the most is her personality and her loyalty. I admire how no matter the situation, she’s going to be true to herself and true to her friends. She’s not overly emotional and can “act like a man” and handle her business. Now that I’m dating with the interest of developing something more, being “Samantha” is just not going to work anymore.

I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted! Where is he?

I can honestly say I have the least in common with Charlotte in the tv series. As a commitment-driven woman, she grew weary of dating only to be disappointed that he wasn’t her Prince Charming. I’ve only really been dating since college.  Fast forward to years of unattached fun and years of “Mr Big”, I’m kinda over it. So in a sense, I’m growing weary as well. It’s taken that shift from my Samantha life to post college to realize that I’d like something more, much like Charlotte.

One thing that has really bothered me as of late is the way that men pursue women today. Some of this is my life but I’m writing based on conversations with a lot of my single girlfriends as well. I really hope what I’m about to write does not come off as bitchy or highly emotional but I’ll take my chances and utilize my freedom of speech anyway.

I’m just soooo tired of men trying to make the women do all the work. I believe in chivalry and that it is a man’s job to pursue a woman. Now I’m all for the independent woman and going for what you want, but when it comes to relationships, it may come off a little too forward to me, pursuing a man. I’ll admit, I’m bold. Yes, I may suggest AND pay for an outing on occasion. But it was never my job to be a man. And there are certain things that men need to step up to the plate and do. Especially if you CLAIM you like a girl. Where are the actions???

I want to be with a man who loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. Through my stupidity. When I don’t make sense. When I’m having an ugly day or on my period. Someone who can laugh with me. Someone I won’t have to kill if we’re stuck in the house during a snowpacalypse. Someone I can hang out with in public: going shopping, hanging at the park, movies, dinner, shows, activities, trips. Someone I can tell my fears and dreams to. Someone I want to see, but don’t need to see, day in and day out. Someone I can act crazy with, dance with. Someone that doesn’t have to ask me what I like but will know by observing me. I don’t think these are unreasonable requests. But dating to see if these guys make the cut is tiring.

I really didn’t think, at almost 26 years of age, I’d say that I’m TIRED of dating but quite frankly, I’m getting there. The song and dance is old. I pour myself and my emotions into someone who half-heartedly does the same. Some days, I wish I could return to being a heart-breaker but that’s not nice. Wait, is this Karma for my past sins??? Ahhhh! I’m so dramatic but anyway….

Basically, all I’m saying is that I’m ready for a serious opportunity. I’m ready to explore what can be the beginnings of something special. *gasp* Did I actually write this…..?

“You deserve a man who isn’t afraid of you, and who isn’t afraid of everything that brought you pain, and who will face that pain with you, no matter how ugly it is…You deserve a man who will tell you when you’re wrong, and who will listen when you tell him he’s wrong, and a man who is going to be just as open as you are, and just as free with his thoughts as you are, and just as willing to struggle with himself as you are…”

Asha Bandele