Letter to my 15-year-old self (Naked pt. 2)

Thanks to Katie, I will write part two of my naked reveal of myself, to myself. This is a continuation from part one. An open letter to my 15 year old self from my current 25 year old self. Sometimes it’s hard to flat out say things in black and white that you really didn’t want to admit to yourself much less to others. By writing to my former self in the form of a letter, I can still say all that I want and wish I knew then.

Disclaimer: No names have been used because that’s not my style. Everyone close to me knows my story and I know they support me in my writings. This is only a brief summary of ten years of my life, not focusing on the details. If for some reason, you feel like you’re going through a similar situation and you need someone to listen to you, I highly recommend seeking counsel (or if we’re friends, I don’t mind listening). My journey is personal but I know I’m not alone in it. Sharing is caring.

Dear 15 year old Lucy,

 Heeey girl. I just wanted you to know that everything will truly be alright. I know I know, you’ve heard this all before. Life can’t get any worse. You still hate your parents for moving you to Atlanta. Leaving all your family and friends to start all over for seemingly no reason. That’s gotta be tough. But listen, I’m here to tell you that ten years down the line, you’ll be ever so grateful for that sacrifice your parents made and the life that you will have.

On that journey, you’ll have met sooo many different people. You’ll have made lasting frienships with girls you’ll call the Gmail Girls. You’ll know tons and tons of people. In fact, people will say, “Dang Lucy, you really DO know everyone!”. Girl, brush your shoulders off you socializer you. I bet you wouldn’t have thought that with how things are going now. Loner in school. Eating by yourself. Rushing to go home to eat, sleep, watch tv and do homework. Sometimes cry because you just hate Atlanta.

On that journey, you’ll have met maaany men that you’ll have crushes on. And I mean many. You’ll have two boyfriends while in college. You’ll have relations that seem like relationships, just without the title. You’ll have relations with these men that God did not ordain. Oh yes honey. You’ll go through it all. The heartbreak of men telling you to stay out of their lives. Of rejection, physically, mentally and emotionally. Of pushing people away and not batting an eye of care. Of contracting STDs (girl yes! yea um, about being a virgin till you’re married…). Of playing the victim and also the vindictive. Of depression. Of being selfish and never allowing anyone to really understand you because you think they’ll try to use it against you. Of wearing a smile when you’re actually crying inside. Of feeling like you’ll never be good enough because you’ll define who you are by what you’ve been through. Of finally loving someone but not receiving that same love. Of not really knowing God for yourself, but what you were taught to believe yet never really learned or understood.

You’ll graduate college and finally feel free but head right back into that deep dark space called mental captivity. Defining yourself by your situation again. Aren’t you supposed to have all the answers after graduation? Why so blue? That’s life chica. It has its ups and downs. But I can give you a heads up on a few things:

  • Everyday will be a new day to experience and learn something new.
  • You’ll encounter people that will touch your heart.
  • You’ll continue to love despite not feeling it in return. Why? Because love conquers all. Because God Is Love.
  • You’ll learn that your relationship with Christ really is the most important thing. And however you stray from the path you were on as a child, God will continue to call you back home. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He is the ultimate constant force.
  • You’ll find happiness and peace and will always chase after them.
  • You’ll enjoy all the moments you are given because you know nothing lasts forever.

So hold your head up baby girl. Ride this ride call life to the fullest. Take away lessons from every experience and GROW. Use those experiences to touch the lives of others going through the same things you will go through. Don’t let someone else feel alone when you can be there to lend an ear.

Your future is bright girl. You just don’t know it yet. Be encouraged. I think it’s about time for Aids Walk Atlanta . Yea, this will be your first year participating. Keep doing that. You’ll love babysitting kids too. Oh yea, and you’ll find that you’ll love to travel….a lot. So skip to it young lady. You have a lot to accomplish in ten years.

Love,

Me (really you), at 25

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  • http://randomblogette.com Jayme (The Random Blogette)

    You are adorable!

  • Evena Seneque

    I LOVE IT Lucy. Its very inspiring and you will have a book deal one day because you can write. Keep doing this blog too cause I love reading it each and every day. Keep your head up girl because I’ve always looked up to you and always thought of you as a strong, fashionable, and lovely woman.

  • http://realgoesright.wordpress.com The Analyst

    I liked this joint. Gave me and idea to do the same.

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    Thanks guys!

  • karen

    how did you overcome having an STD? i know that must have been scary? how did you overcome that obstacle?

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    Well, it was a blow to my self esteem intially. I fell into a depression for about two years. I did not feel like I was good enough for anyone else. Even though the disease was gone, it left residual effects on me. But I knew I didn’t want to feel that way for the rest of my life so I just woke up. I spoke words of affirmation to myself because I was tired of feeling depressed. But that was it really.

  • karen

    you are a really strong person. thats courageous of you to share. i hope you get the man you deserve.

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    Thank you, I really appreciate it.

  • jennifer

    its so good to find someone who understands and experienced the same thing that i did. my ex boyfriend cheated on me and that is how i got the std. my std is dormant but i fear that it will come back. was an exboyfriend who did it to you or was it just a one night stand? soryy if these questions are too personal

  • jennifer

    i really enjoy your blog so far? have you ever been referred as self centerd or stuck up. i get that vibe from you

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    Thanks Jennifer.

    No, it was not an exboyfriend.

    I know how you feel. To tell a new partner or not. Will people look at you differently. How does it affect yourself esteem. The questions are endless. And because I’ve asked those questions, I only want to help girls to be knowledgeable in order for these kinds of things not to happen to them. Some STD’s go away but some don’t. And even when they’re gone, you still feel like it’s there. It sucks. But that’s why we have to REALLY take our health serious. If he doesn’t want to wear a condom, DON’T DO IT. Don’t be forced into a situation you are not ready to be in. And you can get STDs orally as well. So be safe, always.

    Girl, I’ve been called it all. I don’t believe I am. Explain how you got that vibe.

  • jennifer

    well i just heard that you were and i met you once and you were really stand offish. its like you were actin like you were to good for ppl. maybe you had a bad day. who knows. but after reading your blog i realized that you are cooler than i thought. i just wish you were more friendlier in person

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    Where/when did we meet? Maybe we can try this again. Did you speak to me or did I ignore you?

    Are you blogging anonymously or is your name Jennifer?

    Either way, I try not to seem standoff-ish and keep my head out of my blackberry. But if you give me more details, I’ll be able to tell you da deal.

  • jennifer

    we have alot of the same friends. i told you i had an std. im def not tellin u who i am. im not tryna to have ppl kno that. im def talkin to u anonymously. you didnt hurt my feelings you just came off stuck up. maybe im wrong. thats my fault for judgin you early. and maybe i shouldnt listen to all the negative things ppl say about u

  • http://lucydazilma.wordpress.com/ Lucy Dazilma

    At the end of the day, we know who we really are. The opinions of those that really know you (or me) are the only ones that matter. Everyone can’t like me (or you) so why worry about that?

    But back to the subject…I can’t tell you how to deal with your situation but I know for ME, it was/is freeing to discuss the things that happen in my life because I want to help others. My only hope is that if you ever have a good friend that you see may be going down this path, please advise her to be extra careful. Life is too precious to lose it over unprotected sex.

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  • Chelsea

    Even though i spent a whole year as your next door roommate this told me things about you I never knew. I am glad you moved to Atlanta and that we met 3 years later. You have made me smile when i was down and I thank you for that. As far as jennifer lucy really isnt stuck up in any way she was just one to always have a lot on her mind. i am glad you read her blogs to be able to learn the real Lucy and not just from what you are told or your one bad encounter. Love ya Luc.

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  • http://sunshynec.wordpress.com sunshynec

    the biggest fear I have about blogging is being so honest, like you were in this article and having people judge you… big up to you for your honesty.

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