I think the gravity of what I’ve done is finally affecting me.
I quit my job. There are no more paychecks coming in. It’s time to pay the bills. The magnitude of this realization caused me not to want to get out of bed this morning.
And then I’m reminded of words my good friend GG shared with me when I first told her I quit my job:
I know just how you’re feeling right now. And I’ll tell you this: that creeping feeling won’t go away anytime soon. There will be days where it doesn’t creep, it crawls and jumps and attacks, but it’s OK. For the past 5 months, I’ve been out on that limb too and even though I’ve been scared and still am, I know that I will never regret it.
For me, the scary days when the fear would crawl all over me would come when I would think about, “what if my ideas, my vision is not enough? what if I can’t make a living from it?” So I think the thoughts and I tell myself that the only way I’ll know is to push and keep going, making adjustments along the way. It’s like I’m afraid but I’m not afraid, you know? I know that the fear is necessary to push me. It’s extremely uncertain territory but you will feel alive in a way that you probably never have before.
One last thing, be patient, OK? Anyway, the possibilities are all in little pieces in your heart and in your mind and just trust that they will come together. I support you 1000% and we are going to do this thing mama. Love you.
I was laying down and I heard her voice in my head. With tears streaming down my face, I got up, I got dressed and I started my day.
Sometimes, you need those reminders that you didn’t make a mistake, that you aren’t a mistake.
Those days when you are uncertain will come.
Those thoughts of fear will pile up and cause you to question your every decision.
Have the courage to get up and start again. Be braver than you think you are. Trust more than you believe.
It’s a struggle and it’s going to be. You can either ignore your decisions or own them.