Dating exclusively vs commitment

I was discussing my recent dating experience with my best friend which lead to a pretty good conversation. After patiently listening to me, he commented that I love attention and that I’m emotional. Hey thanks, Sherlock! What woman isn’t? He explained how my conclusion to the situation was purely emotional, although I had a point. Then he made this statement:

“Women are full of shit and men are bull shitters.” I’m not even sure how we got this far at 2am but it was a good one. Side note: I’m about to contradict the hell out of myself in this post so don’t judge me.

That statement lead to him explaining a lot about men and women that I can’t remember (brain stops functioning and tuning people out after a certain hour). But what I could recall lead me to ask these questions:

1. Is there a difference in dating exclusively and being in a committed relationship?

2. Is it ok for someone in an exclusive relationship to hang out with someone else after midnight? And does their gender matter?

To preface this, I think the whole point of dating is to find a lifelong mate.

Ok. I feel like if you’re dating exclusively, you ARE in a committed relationship. Or else why would you only want to have sex with that one person?

Two, I don’t think anyone should think they have a right to limit ones friendships BUT I do believe it’s that person’s job to end inappropriateness out of respect for their partner and their relationship. If your homegirl (say me) is texting you at 3:32am about nothing, why couldn’t that nothing wait until 10:32am? What if you were sleeping next to your partner? That’s rude. But more than likely that text wouldn’t be about “nothing”. That’s booty call hours. I wouldn’t want to have to tell my friends. I would just hope they knew better. (Here’s where I contradict myself. I’m guilty of it. I’m learning to do better).

Well, I took my questions to the Twitter streets this morning and boy did I get feedback. To sum it all up:

Some people said dating exclusively for them meant you’re testing to see if you really want to be in a relationship with that person. Dating exclusively could lead to commitment but sometimes it doesn’t, which is why dating exclusively was a trial period (for them). One tweep said, “exclusive means “we may not sleep with other people but we can still talk to whomever whenever.””

But the majority of folks said that there wasn’t a difference between dating exclusively and being committed. One of my friends said, “exclusive is both parties deciding “we’re no longer dating other people.”” Another person said, “if you’re exclusive, you’re in a relationship or heading in that direction.”

Geez, why can’t the two people involved communicate enough to be on the same page?! Anyway…I’ve concluded a lot from this topic.

Conclusion 1: you define how your relationship will be. That is up to the discretion of the couple. While most people agreed that being exclusive means you’re committed, other folks said that there’s a difference. I personally think there is not. If I’m choosing to only have sex with you, you’re my dude. If we’re having sex with other people, you are not my dude. It’s that simple. If we’re committed, then we’re trying to take it to the next level. Exclusivity = commitment. Dating = anybody, up for grabs.

Conclusion 2: I am quick to judge! Oh how I hate to think that I’m judgmental but on some things that don’t “seem” right, I am. When my friend started explaining his point of view, I totally thought he was wrong (hence why I went to the internet for a second, third and fourth opinion). I totally thought this boy must certainly be lost and will not be in a serious relationship for a long time. But this mind-set all leads back to conclusion one. Sigh, I desire to be more open-minded.

Conclusion 3: I’m a hypocrite. Things should be the same for both genders. If a dude can’t call me at 3am, my girls shouldn’t be calling me either, right? It’s only fair.

Conclusion 3: I’m emotional and I’m not apologizing for it. LOL. Shoooo…I need one positive out of this.

Conclusion 4: I don’t know shit about relationships. But I’m learning.

“The only people who actually think they have the answer for EVERYTHING are the ones who usually haven’t been through ANYTHING!”
Pastor YPJ

And here I was thinking my best friend is gonna be single for the rest of his life. It’ll probably be me.

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  • Courtney

    I love this article. I agree with you. If a guy I am dating is sleeping with other people, he is not my guy . Once, we are exclusive , he is only going to sleep with me. For me, I can’t sleep with a guy, knowing he is sleeping with other girls . I think it’s gross.

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