“And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?” – Unknown
I was hesitant to write a post about relationships (again) because it’s not my favorite thing to discuss, especially not on this space. I pride myself on being transparent so I knew that if I did discuss it, I’d have to tell my truth, despite what someone else might say or how they might feel.
And the truth is, I thought I lost. I was embarrassed by this perceived loss. I didn’t think it had to end but..
It’s that time of year again that everyone loves to hate. I don’t mind Valentine’s Day. The candy is always good and there’s always enough for everyone. What I don’t like about Valentine’s Day is the pressure that society attaches to it.
“I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.”— Alice Walker
Valentine’s Day is here and judging from Twitter, everyone is wading waist-deep in zee feels. Shoot, I’m emotionally eating RETNAH because of Scandal withdrawals, not to mention the fact that I’m getting married in 6 months which has me in a perpetual state of romance, or som’n like that.
Ok so, you know all those crazy things people say about how you’ll feel when you fall in love? How it’ll feel like your vagina lays at the balls of your feet every time you see him? Or how she’ll make you smile like when Kevin Hart saw Beyonce?
Well, at least to me.
“Where there is love there is life.” — Mahatma Gandhi
Recently, I met up and had dinner with a friend. We caught up on each other’s lives, and eventually we got on the topic of why things never worked out between us. I kept it real with him and said it was because he never pursued me. He’d often check on me but never made any plans. To me, a pursuit involves more persistence than that. I’m sure he knew this. And living in Atlanta where there’s a million women to one man, it’s so easy to bounce from one babe to the next without much effort.
There is no remedy to love but to love more. That involves patience.
Eight years. That’s how long the road from dating to marriage was for this young couple. My, how time flies. After listening to the pastor, I couldn’t help but to have yet another positive outlook on marriage and the covenant that it should be.
The Four Agreements, pg. 34 & 35
There was a woman, for example, who was intelligent and had a very good heart. She had a daughter whom she adored and loved very much. One night she came home from a very bad day at work, tired, full of emotional tension, and with a terrible headache. She wanted peace and quiet, but her daughter was singing and jumping happily. The daughter was unaware of how her mother was feeling; she was in her own world, in her own dream. She felt so wonderful, and she was jumping and singing louder and louder, expressing her joy and her love. She was singing so loud that it made her mother’s headache even worse, and at a certain moment, the mother lost control. Angrily she looked at her beautiful little girl and said, “Shut up! You have an ugly voice. Can you just shut up!”
The truth is that the mother’s tolerance for any noise was nonexistent; it was not that the little girl’s voice was ugly. But the daughter believed what her mother said, and in that moment she made an agreement with herself. After that she no longer sang, because she believed her voice was ugly and would bother anyone who heard it. She became shy at school, and if she was to sing, she refused. Even speaking to others became difficult for her. Everything changed in the little girl because of this new agreement: She believed she must repress her emotions in order to be accepted and loved.
Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system. This little girl grew up, and even though she had a beautiful voice, she never sang again. She developed a whole complex from one spell. This spell was cast upon her by the one who loved her the most: her own mother.
Wow, what a revelation. After reading this passage, it dawned on me that at one point in time, I held on to similarly disparaging words.
The highlight of my weekend was being able to witness the nuptials of two of my friends. But, not without some pre-wedding drama. If you were in Atlanta this weekend, you experienced the monsoon winds and incessant rain. I was already running a little late to the wedding. My GPS noted that I was only five miles away from my destination. But not before I got into a fender bender with a white Mercedes-Benz. At that point, I was absolutely ready to burst in tears. Just two months ago on a rainy night, someone hit me from behind. And now, on a rainy day, I hit someone from behind. Just my luck.
My mood was completely ruined. I texted one of my friends letting her know what happened and that I would not attend the wedding. Long story short, after exchanging insurance information and shooing off the officer, I was able to attend the wedding. I’m so glad I did!