30 days of truth: day seven

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Anyone that really knows me knows that I don’t like getting emotional. I absolutely hate crying. It makes me feel weak. I hate when I can’t get my words out. So most times, I stifle my emotion especially around people and handle all of that in the comfort of my boudoir. Lol. But for real, some things are just emotional for me to even type. Talking about my mom is one of those things.

I come from a lineage of very strong women. Whether the men were there or not, the women got the work done. My mom has always been a consistent worker. *here we go with these damn tears in my eyes* I seriously wanted to be superwoman when I grew up just to be like her. I remember always staying at her job at the nursing home while she worked the 3-11pm shift. Eating my dinner in the back room. Or other times if I was home, staying up to hear the elevator at 11:30pm to make sure she got in before I went to bed. My mom wasn’t like the other typical Haitian mothers. She used reasoning, rationalization and communication to get to me and my siblings. Very Americanized.

I remember when my mother’s mother passed away last year. I will never forget my mother’s strength. When everyone was falling apart, she was the rock. She spoke clear and proudly of her mother at the funeral. I would have been a MESS. I actually was. My grandmother was everything. I still have trouble acknowledging her death.

When I graduated college, it was more for my parents than for me. All of my friends of refugee parents understand, their journey to this country was a challenge. And all they want for their children is for them to succeed. So they work hard in order for us to have a good life. I appreciate that. I will never take that for granted. And I will not disappoint them. I owe my life to both of my parents. My mom though, she’s a warrior.

2005

 

2008

 

2010
2010
Continue Reading

30 days of truth: day six

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

This is a hard one. I have a lot of those. I can’t think of one that would be harder than the other. So I guess I’ll make this generic.

I hope I never have to be in a demeaning position. I hope I never have to pick something temporary over what I believe will compromise my morals and values. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be ok with my decision, not be disgusted in myself.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Continue Reading

30 days of truth: day five

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Very near and dear to my heart is young girls. I grew up a weird child. Lol. I loved to be alone. I’m sure a lot of women can chime in with me and saying you didn’t have the ideal childhood. But the kids growing up nowadays have to deal with much more than I did. Shoot, all I was doing was reading romance novels and watching Guiding Light at nine. Today, young girls are getting pregnant at nine. Although the situations are drastically different, I’m sure the core of our issues are the same: a lack of guidance.

It’s so easy to bring a child into this world but so much more difficult to raise them and rear them into the right direction. I know I’m fearful of that. We have so many girls growing up way too fast. It makes me sad. I just want them to enjoy being kids before “getting grown”.

So my hope is to start an organization for young girls one day. The details on that is in the works. 🙂

Continue Reading

30 days of truth: day four

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Geez, these questions are having a therapy vibe to them!

Ok.

Sigh. Ok. Lol. *twiddling thumbs*

Well I haven’t gotten to the forgiving part (because I’m still upset and I can’t force forgiveness just for the sake of forgiving). But I know that I have a forgiving spirit so I know it will come.

About a month ago I had a falling out with a friend. I considered him my best friend actually. FYI: don’t fall in love with your best friend if the feelings aren’t mutual. Umkay? THANKS. Anywho, it was a fiasco. Looking back on it, I really wished I had a camera crew to record my antics. Basically I need to forgive him for being selfish. Ironically enough, I’m a very selfish person (don’t crucify me please) but not when it came to him. I need to forgive him for keeping me in a place where he really should have let me go long ago. Keeping me in a place of confusion and fairy tale. And that’s all I’m saying.

I’m really considering hitting back space for about a minute but…isn’t this what blogging is for? I hope no one reads this. I know he doesn’t read my blog so that’s good. So this little confession is between me and my faithful nine subscribers. I heart you.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Continue Reading

30 days of truth: day three

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Hmmm……this is a tough one. How much/little to disclose? Or which sin to pick?

I grew up saying I would be a virgin until I got married. One day five years ago, I threw that all away. I was hard on myself because of that. I think for a long time after that, I just wouldn’t allow myself to feel. I’m my mind, a lot of the sexual situations I found myself in was because I gave in too soon. So I punished myself by being cold. I could’ve waited.
Also, I feel that if I grew up hearing words of affirmation from my dad, I would’ve waited as well. PSA to all the fathers out there: tell your daughters they are beautiful and worth the wait. They’ll listen!

That’s just one of many. I’m human and I make mistakes EVERY DAY. I learned that I have to forgive myself or else I won’t be able to live with myself.

Continue Reading

30 days of truth: day two

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Just one?! I love me soooo much! LOL!

One thing I know for sure is that I hate holding on to pain. I’ve done it and in the end, the only one left angry, bitter, hurt and sad was me. Been there, done that, over that, I’m done. It takes a lot for someone to hurt my feelings. That person must know me and know exactly what to do to piss me off.

Over the years I’ve let a lot of men hurt me. It’s funny looking back that they were the only ones that could really hurt me, not women. Hmmm….I need to really thing about that. But anywho…I never want to be in a place in my life where I harbor so much ill will for someone. It’s not healthy. Yes, I may feel like revenge is best, initially, but what does it prove? In the end, I’m still sad and they’re happily living their lives. The best I can do for ME and MY healing, is to forgive and let go. And it’s the best feeling to see someone you used to hate and now have no residual pain or malicious intent towards the person. That shows personal growth on your part. Just remember, your healing is what’s important. Make your spirit well.

Continue Reading

30 days of truth: day one

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I’m late! I’m late! I’m always late!
Gotta go, gotta go!

I’ve noticed this a lot about myself as of late: I’m never on time. How does the saying go? You’re already late when you’re on time? Oh I don’t know. Something to that affect. I’m never rushed until I’m really rushed. And when I’m really rushed, I tend to forget. When I forget, I’m a mess trying to remember what I forgot. Ugh!!!!

If only I could actually get out of bed when my alarm rings instead of turning it off and going right back to sleep.

If only I could prepare my clothes the night before instead of waiting until the morning.

If only I had a mantra/chant to speak when I first wake up to motivate into getting up.

If only I applied The Golden Rule to tardiness and respected other people’s time.

If only I had a sense of urgency. Maybe if I thought everyone was seriously important, I’d rush into action mode.

Time is precious, time is sweet, right? So why do I waste so much of it? :-/

Continue Reading

30 days of truth

So I’m a month late but I love these kinds of things. I’ll be posting one truth about me for thirty days. This should be interesting. If you’d like to do your own, listed below are the questions that I got from another blog.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Click on the tag “30 days of truth” to find all the posts.

Continue Reading

The Pursuit of Happyness

will smith and jaden smith in the pursuit of happyness 2006

I do the bulk of my thinking either in the shower or in my car. I’d say the latter is where I think, and overthink, the most. If I really think hard about it, my ultimate goal is to be forever happy. I’ve never been the one stuck on material possessions or any other tangible thing. It’s all about the feelings I receive from doing something I enjoy.

Continue Reading
1 8 9 10