I’ve been so behind in my reading on one of my favorite blogs, Very Smart Brothas. While perusing all of the extremely rib-tickling posts, I came across one that I had to create of my own. Seriously, if I told you all the things that swirl through my brain, you may not respect me anymore. And I demand your respect, ya here! Anywho, here goes. And this is why I might go to hell with gasoline drawers. *crosses fingers and prays to buddha that I don’t*

1. I rarely brush my teeth before bed. Let’s not even talk about the last time I’ve gone to the dentist. I’m ashamed. Borderline depressed. But I just don’t have the time to find a new dentist.

2. I am…Sasha Fierce. And everyone knows that she’s Illuminati. When I am home, she and I are one. I fear NO ONE when I am Sasha.

3. My reasons for going up to give offering or praying at the altar are not always holy. Sometimes I just want to see who showed up to church. Sometimes, my outfit was just too cute to be viewed by myself, twirling in my mirror. Sometimes…no, I really can’t admit that one. Pray for me.

4. My lunch breaks would make you jelly. I’m sure most 9-5ers take an hour lunch break. That’s the norm, right? Well, I’ve gotten waaaay too comfortable at my job. I will take an hour and a half, two-hour break. Keep my door closed and rock out to Youtube videos. Ignore whomever is knocking at my door. I have to remain sane somehow.

5. I laugh out loud in my head when I see people running for the city bus after work. Can you imagine how distraught they are?! That isn’t funny to you? I’m sorry, YOUR LOSS.

6. When cats die, I silently rejoice. That’s it. No need to rehash my traumatic experience. Death unto them.

7. I almost always set my GChat to invisible when I’m almost always online. To you, my dear friends that still send me a chat just because you know I do this, I hate you.